After my mom passed, we were sad. We were in shock. We were relived. Yup, I said that and so will others who are honest about the range of emotions that come after losing a loved one who has gone through a hellish battle with you by their side. I was in California with my sister for 9 days fare my mom died, and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. The one that still feels raw is the loneliness. I was alone. Sure, I had my sister, but she had her boyfriend, her kids, all her friends. I was alone there, and just wanted to go home and be with my husband and kids for about 48 hours, and then have the luxury of coming back to tackle all that needed to be done.
When I told my bestie Kristen, who lives 3 hours away from Fresno, that I was lonely, she dropped everything and came to be with me the next day. We went shopping for a funeral outfit, out to lunch and to get our nails done. It felt so good to have my own person. And for my mom's Fresno memorial service, Kristen and her mom Lynn would drive to Fresno to be with me, on a very stormy night, just because they didn't want me not to have any of my people there with me that night. Pure love.
This entire experience left me over and over saying how fortunate I felt not to be an only child! When you feel like you have gone to hell and back, the only person you want in the driver's seat is your sister. And man is my sister a good driver! We both showcased our own strengths during this process, and for once, it was a positive that we are so very different because we were able to use our differences and knock out all that had to be done as an amazing, focused, determined team of two.
I also could not have gotten through this without Brian back at home being such a rockstar. He allowed me to put being a mom and wife on the back burner for 9 days and focus instead on being a daughter and sister. He had a great team of friends helping him with meals, rides, babysitting etc.
This is what I left for Brian-
And this is what I left for the kids, on the front door so they would know where to go each afternoon when I was gone, and take the corresponding bus permission slips with them for each day!
Sigh.
Thankfully, one night both kids got invited to sleep overs and Brian got a night off! He went to the brewery for drinks and dinner-
He deserved it!
The following day, it snowed-
Not much, but the perfect amount for Macy to help shovel-
Meanwhile back in Cali, a few things that made me giggle and that I dont want to every forget. My mom's well organized junk drawer-
The letter that could have proven my sister was not my sister-
My sister spilling her rum and coke on the life insurance papers- and us both hearing my mom tell us "Well, you shouldn't have been doing important paperwork around liquids..."
As the best memory, that my mom would have roared with laughter over, was when the funeral home gave us the cremated remains of Bernice Shirley, instead of our mom.
It was a hellish week. W head no idea what we were doing- there is no dry run for a parent's death. We made a to-do list, and just got to work. By ourselves. No help from extended family members, just us. This was our pain to share with only each other. The best part of it all- we never ever have to do this again.
"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her." -author unknown
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