Christmas of 2015 we decided that my mom would come to be with us the following Christmas. Having already beat cancer once, she said it was on her bucket list to watch my kids open the stockings and gifts from Santa with them on Christmas morning. All the years we lived in California, we would be together, but not first thing in the morning. So she decided that Christmas of 2016 she would wake up with them at our house in Virginia.
Then she got diagnosed with cancer again in February of 2016 and we knew we may have to adjust our plan. We would for sure still be together, but instead of her coming to us, we knew we would have to fly to California to be with her...
So off we go on Thursday December 22nd!
While I didn't to lose a kid on this trip, I was equally worried about losing this bag-
It was my carry-on, and it was huge and heavy- full of all the Christmas goodies that my family had requested I make and bring along.
When we landed in San Francisco, I made this sign and snapped a picture to send to my mom-
She was having a hard time remembering dates. She was very excited we were coming, and excited for Christmas, but she just couldn't wrap her head around what the date was and how many more days until we arrived... I hoped this sign would help with her short term memory!
Back in late Sept my mother was given 6-8 weeks to live. Here we are approaching Christmas, almost 13 weeks later... So she is clearly living on borrowed time. Who cares about short term memory!
We flew into San Francisco, rented a car and made the 3 hour drive over to Fresno. This was like going down memory lane for Brian and I! We needed to stop for lunch, and knowing that it was Thursday and we were driving through Los Banos, we just had to stop at the Wool Growers for lunch. This is a place that Brian had been to several times when duck hunting with Bob, and a place that my dad and his buddies have discovered in the last few years too. I had been only once before. Tate and I had been once before, but Macy had never been.
It is a family style Basque restaurant that is known for their lamb shanks Thursday special. Unfortunately, we got there and they were already all sold out...
Friday we were happy to get to do some Christmasy things with the family! As the sign says-
When Ambra's 5 kids were younger, I was the queen of what they called "Forced Family Fun." I bought her that sign years ago and was thrilled to see it on this visit!
Kayla, home from college, was less than thrilled to be forced to play Christmas Hersey Kiss bingo with my kids! But she is such a good sport and did it anyway-
I still had a little bit of cooking/baking to do once I arrived. First up was a quadruple batch of homemade German egg nog! And then I helped Macy with her Christmas cookie. This is the second year she has made them (pistachio/cranberry), so now she can say they are her cookie!
I found these and brought them to Ambra. So fitting!
That night my Grandmother took my kids overnight (what a treat for Brian and I who never get to send our kids to grandparents houses overnight!) and my dad came down to be with my mom (at this point she could not be alone) so that the 4 of us could go out on a double date.
Ambra and Mick were doing such an amazing job caring for my mom in their home. It was exhausting, physically and mentally. They needed a night out and while this was the second time that Brian had come to Cali and met Mick, it was the first time we'd ever been out just the 4 of us! They took us to a fantastic restaurant and we had a wonderful night out. My dad said we had a 10pm curfew (how weird to be an adult and have a curfew from your father...), so I was forced to dance with Ambra for a bit just to get her to leave the place before we were home too late and got grounded!
Christmas Eve is usually my dad's holiday. Growing up in Massachusetts we were always with his family, and then when everyone moved to Cali, he always hosted Christmas Eve still. Some years it has been at my moms, but he was still in charge of the menu and cooking for the night! This year it was moved back to his house...
All dressed up!
Both kids can not get enough of their 15 month old cousin, Brooklyn- but Macy especially was infatuated with her!
Macy brought along her bingo game and tricked Kayla into playing again. Her boyfriend, DeAndre, is so so good with kids and was probably more willing to play than Kayla was actually.
About 25 years ago, when money got tight as the family kept growing, my grandmother (mom's mom, who I called Ba) started what she called "Grabs." To stretch a dollar, she was a constant yard saler, always on the hunt for a good bargain. She wanted to make sure that everyone in the family got a little something from her on Christmas day. So she would wrap up tons of little gifts to hand out. We could keep what we were given or do some bartering with other family members to trade with them. Because the thing was, you never knew what you were going to get. Could be a beautiful ring- from a year sale. Could be a book of matches, and a dollar bill. Might be a clear plastic rain bonnet that she didn't need any more. What ever it was, you knew she took the time to wrap it up and with hopes that it would make you smile when you opened it.
She's gone now, but we all carry on this tradition on Christmas Eve. Before we had kids, we would play it on Christmas Eve with friends, we have passed on the tradition to my in-laws too. Here is our pile of grabs this year-
Nerd glasses were a huge hit!
But paired with the clown glasses, even better!
There were some good ones this year. In the past we have had a jock strap (new and unused), can of soup, scratch tickets, bag of beans- you just never know. We usually try to leave behind what we dont want, which really displeases my father when he finds a bag of beans under his couch cushion in March!
Ambra and I wore our elf suits again on Christmas Eve. She knows how much I hate when her cheek touches my cheek when taking a picture... but she does it anyway-
My mom was a champion this day. Since she usually feels her best in the earlier part of the day, we decided to do Christmas Eve from 12-6, instead of 5-11 like we usually do. She (and Ambra's kids) all wore their pajamas, so she would be comfortable. We knew keeping her comfortable was important for her to be able to spend the day with us out of the house.
Man did she eat that day! Plates and plates of seafood. She always had an enormous appetite when it came to seafood!
Oh Tate... does Santa really need to carry a fake plastic knife?
My dad (all dressed up for Christmas Eve) and his mom-
If he isn't hosting Christmas Eve, he won't decorate his house or put up a tree even. So a few years ago, I bought his the pillow above. I thought it spoke volumes and was the only decoration he needed!
Looking back, this was the last picture my mom took with a smile on her face-
They mad have had their differences, and a lot of them, but the love my mom and grandmother had for each other, even now 27 years after my parents divorced, was so evident...
Tiny house, full of love
After my dad's I suggested we go see some Christmas lights, but my mom just wasn't up for it. Ambra and Mick had another party to go to, so we headed home with my mom, our kids, and Ambra's kids. We had one more photo opp we needed to get tonight....
Santa!
Thinking my kids are old enough to now to recognize Jake, he went across the street and grabbed the 19 year old neighbor. Jake and Brian gave him the rundown and got him all suited up in the garage before his big entrance.
The kid did great!
And Santa brought some awesome pajamas again this year-
We all settled in an watched Elf together. I decided that having Christmas Eve from 12-6 is the way to go from now on! It was so nice to be back at home and relaxing together by 8pm...
Merry Christmas! We did it! We fulfilled my moms last bucket list item, Christmas morning with Tate and Macy-
My mom has always woken between 4-5am. She watches some shows, has some coffee and a snack, and enjoys the quiet hours of the early morning. She was so delighted to have Macy and Tate to watch shows with and eat Christmas cookies with on Christmas morning-
Seeing my mom with my kids that morning before the rest of t he house awoke was absolutely the best. I knew it would be the last Christmas they would ever have with her, so I was thrilled that they got to steal these extra couple of hours with just her. And I know she felt the exact same way too.
Christmas Eve was a lot for her, and by the time the sun came up on Christmas morning, she wasn't feeling to well. Another reason why I am glad Tate, Macy and I woke early that day to be with her. There wasn't a ton of talking, it was just the being that mattered most that morning...
Once everyone did wake, it was finally time for presents! But first, Tate would read to us the bible story of Jesus' birth-
Yup, from the bible app on the iPad, as there's not an actual bible to be found in Ambra's house. Thank you technology...
Let the chaos begin!
What do you get the guy who is keeping your mother alive each and every day? The guy who hooks her up to life saving antibiotics by IV twice a day? The man who is playing nurse? This, of course-
If only I had a million dollars. He deserves it.
Jake and Jess found the perfect set of pajamas for my mom-
This kid, all smiles, all day-
And loving his new pajamas from Santa-
Macy made a little dish in art class for my mom, it said #1 G Mom, because she couldn't fit grandmother-
My grandmother knit a beautiful blanket for Macy-
Ambra's kids, all adults now. got each and every one of us a gift this year- first time ever! They got my kids sea monkeys and these giant boxing gloves-
Thanks a lot guys!
My kids "need" gift was headphones. And they were the perfect gift-
Ambra made a great dinner for us all, and although my mom had a really tough day, it was just nice knowing she was there with us, even if she wasn't in the room with us, we knew she found comfort in hearing our voices and laughter.
Ambra lives very close to both Sequoia National Park and Kings Canyon National Park. This is the view of the snow covered mountains from just a few streets away from her house-
So Monday we decided to go to the snow for a few hours! Kayla and Kyra were happy to stay with my mom while we went. A bit unprepared for sledding without all our gear, but we made do with the random assortment of left over hats and gloves that Ambra had shoved in the back of her closet from when her kids were small.
If I had to live in the central valley of California I would hands down choose to live at Shaver Lake. Once you get out of Fresno, the drive up to Shaver Lake is just beautiful
The lake sits at 5,500 feet above sea level-
Brian jumped in to help a bunch of other guys at the snow park make a jump-
still perfecting the track-
The kids had a blast sledding- even if they were in there sneakers. It was a relatively warm day and the sun was shining!
No she won't....
Oh yes she will!
Tate made this cute little snowman-
Only to enjoy destroying him with one snowball!
My mom got Macy cowgirl boots for Christmas. She desperately wanted to wear them this day, but we didn't want to them to get wet, so she brought them along to change into for lunch. But the parking lot was full of slushy snow- so her sweet daddy carried her in so her new fancy boots wouldn't get stained!
Suddenly it was Tuesday morning and we were flying home Tuesday night.... When we went up to Shaver Lake the day before, Ambra brought along a cooler to pack with snow to bring home for Brooklyn to play with, thinking we could get my mom to come outside and she'd enjoy watching her great granddaughter play in the snow...
But first, we had to get these two out of the wheelchair! It was just so much fun apparently-
And then we successful talked my mom into coming outside, but she only takes a minute or two. She was just too cold and uncomfortable.
But Brooklyn sure did love eating it-
And then suddenly it was time. Time to say good-bye. For real. I promised my mom months ago that I would fly back to be with her before she died, but we both knew that I was not in control of the timing of her passing away. I would try my hardest to get there, and she knew that. But- Brian, Tate and Macy would not be coming back with me again. This was really good-bye.
It was sweet, and wonderful, and terrible and gut wrenching. Brutal and beautiful at the same time.
There are no pictures.
We left Fresno and I cried for at least the first hour. Because we had to drive back to San Fransisco, that meant that we had to drive right by the exit for Kristen and her family. We didn't have long, but we decided to stop in. I was a mess, and it felt good to be around our bonus family, who I can be messy with. Plus, with Brian deploying in June, he didn't know when in the next 18 months he would see them again...
We only had 45 minutes to visit, but it felt great for us all to be back together since the last time was
2 1/2 years ago!
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