I can not believe that I found what is below, buried deep inside of my computer, hidden from me for almost 5 years! When Macy was a toddler, battling ear infections, I was beside myself with how to get her to eat, so I sent out an email to some VERY important and intelligent women in my life, all mothers, seeking help to try to get my then 16 month old daughter to eat more food and have better table manners.
This was my original email:
Hi ladies! This is a random email and a plea for help! Maybe one of you has dealt with a child who eats like my daughter... Okay- Macy is 16 months old. She has never been a huge eater, but she is at her worst right now and now I feel like I have tried everything and am out of tricks. Most of you know, Tate has never been a great eater- but his issues were more that he was slow and has a very small appetite. Here’s the low down on Macy... Sometimes she has 2 bites and tells me (using her voice and sign language) that she is all done. If I don’t let her down, she cries louder and louder. This has been going on for a month or so and just seems to be getting worse. (Because it has been going on so long, I’m ruling out teething... but maybe?) It does NOT help if i give her "favorite" foods or let her use a fork or sit with her/don’t sit with her, skip snacks- nothing! She barely drinks juice, she likes it- but I don’t offer it every day- is okay with water and likes milk, but- she is NOT gulping down her milk and getting full from that either. Sometimes she finishes her milk, sometimes she doesn’t. She has woken up a couple times recently after eating almost nothing for dinner and is starved in the middle of the night. One night I let her cry it out for nearly 45 minutes, then went in with a cereal bar and she inhaled it! I am a firm believer in the fact that kids eat when they get hungry... but i would rather sleep through the night, than feed her a midnight snack! Getting back to her "poor table manners" - I used to give her toys at the table after she was done eating, then slowly stopped doing that as she got older, to start some table manners (maybe I should give them to her again?). With her crying/yelling to get down, i often give in to her, just so we can enjoy our meal. Then when she comes around the table, I’ll give her "drive-by bites" so that at least she is eating something. BUT- this is a horrible habit to get in to and I don’t want her to get used to this... I wont force her to eat, but I do expect her to sit at the table with us for a reasonable amount of time- 15 minutes? Like I said, I’m used to having one who isn’t a great eater- but he was never like this! So, any help you can give me, if you have go through anything like this, would be great! Thanks in advance for your time! Farrah
I am so happy to share with you now all the wonderful advice that I received!
Yes, doctors and researchers are full of great information- but there is nothing like getting tips and tricks from other experienced mothers.
As you will see, my friends offered very different ideas and sometimes their advice was contradicting to what someone else said worked for them. Some friends have 4 children; some friends have only 1 child- one friend is even a pediatrician! I am just so lucky to have such helpful, wise, supportive friends! It does take a village to raise a child, right?
So take from this list what you want; but I know I woke up the morning after receiving all of these suggestions feeling so much more confident and secure in my parenting abilities- knowing that I was not the only one struggling with these issues and that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. Funny how a toddler can make you feel so insecure and question yourself so deeply, right?
Most of these suggestions are for toddler age children, but as you will read they can easily be applied to older children too.
-Give a treat when child has eaten “enough” -treat can be something healthy like an omega 3 gummy chew, or a ‘peanut pop’ which is a spoonful of peanut butter- full of protein!
-when child wants to get down from the table prematurely: tell her no, let her cry and eventually ignore her. It won’t take but a few days for this to end- stay strong! It is tough love.
-Ask doctor about Pediasure or Carnation instant breakfast for calorie/vitamin/nutrient/hydration intake
-Use a timer and make child stay at table for 1 minute per month they are old
- Use sauces for dipping food into- ranch, ketchup, bbq
-Make fruit smoothies if child would rather drink, than eat
-Have child see doc to address: routine weight checks, amount of weight she can safely lose during this “phase,” rule out: issues with her throat/swallowing, tongue, stomach, tonsils, ears and anemia
-Raise expectations: often with the second child, parents forget what child is capable of at what age. Child is usually capable of more than what we are currently expecting from them
-Clear the calendar for several days/week to have time and energy to focus on the new eating plan
-Focus on the child during meal time: no talking on the phone, washing dishes, checking email, etc
-Sit with the child and eat/drink something to set a good example of meal time
-Offer mini-meals and small snacks instead of usual portions
-Introduce the concept of “one more bite” and enforce this before the child can leave the table
-Give a small, healthy snack before bed to prevent nighttime waking due to hunger
-It’s okay to give “drive-by bites” to ensure that child is actually getting enough food
-This is a phase that will change, not a bad habit that is going to last
-Do whatever works for your own family
-Keep a food diary to document what foods child is given, ensure variety is offered and visualize what food is constantly refused or always eaten. This may be surprising as you may realize the child is actually eating more than you originally thought- or the opposite will be found and therefore you will have this specific record to show the doctor
-Toddler children control few things at this age- eating can be a control issue. Find a balance with your child- such as eating one more bite, instead of finishing the entire plate of food
-Don’t ever make your child eat the entire plate of food. Especially for dessert- this will only create additional eating problems in the future
-Consider whether the child needs to see a feeding/swallowing specialist for food aversions because of specific food textures and or/tastes
-Make food time fun and let the child get dirty. Offer ants on a log or make pretzel houses using peanut butter glue, apple rooftops and raisin sidewalks. Let child experience food and play with it, which will make the child think that eating is fun
-Eating should be routine. Sit and eat at specific times each day- no grazing
-Parent can feed the child, she may need/want the one-on-one attention even after she can use utensils
-Pray aloud before you eat. ask for what you want during the meal time- be specific
-When child eats, jump for joy or do a happy dance- making a celebration/game out of each bite
-Give child crayons to color with or small books to read at the table when done eating, to delay her getting down from the table before the rest of the family has finished
-Feed child in the bathtub, it’s a great distraction and clean up is easy
-If child does not eat the offered meal, give it to her for the next meal/snack
-Expect only 2 decent meals to be eaten each day
-Consider whether or not child eats one meal better than the other. Is breakfast time when the meal is usually eaten as opposed to dinner time being left uneaten frequently? Adjust and feed accordingly.
-Watch for too much sugar intake to avoid blood sugar levels skyrocketing or crashing low
-Offer foods over and over and over, it could take 15 or more times for child to like a particular food
-Watch your facial expressions. child can read it on your face if you are showing anticipation/anxiety about her taking each bite of food
-Child should take a multivitamin
-Spice up the food, bland food does not taste good and kids can handle the flavor.
-If there are no other major health concerns, this is developmentally appropriate behavior. It will pass within 6 months. At that time, another (more frustrating) issue will certainly arise…
-Child will lose interest in eating after just 5 minutes
-Making child sit at the table and cry, instead of getting down when finished eating will only create a more difficult mealtime during the next meal
-Fighting with child over eating just discourages child from eating as desired next time
- Good news about children who do not eat well is that there is less mess to clean up after they eat, so just embrace it for now!
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