Granny Jean

When we found out we were having girl, we knew exactly what her middle name would be- Jean, after her oldest living relative, Granny Jean MacIldowie- Brian's maternal grandmother in England. When Macy was born, she was 92. The last time we saw her, was Easter of 2010- 

We were planning to go see her this summer, in August. Then Brian got news of his deployment, so our trip would have to be delayed... Then granny, who was still living in her own house at the age of 98, got ill and was hospitalized. I have been in the family for 13 years, and in that entire time, Granny was only hospitalized one other time!

While Brian was at his pre-deployment training in NJ, I got a phone call one night from his mom saying that Granny had passed away. I HATED having to call him in NJ and tell him this news over the phone...

He wrote a beautiful eulogy to be read at her funeral in his absence. I put it here because I want our kids to read it some day and better know their great grandmother, Granny Jean.

As you read these words I am headed to adventures unknown, full of regret and disappointment. Disappointment because I cannot be there with you to say these words myself, and full of regret because I am just now starting to realize what we lost this week in Jean MacIldowe. Granny was different from the rest of us. Her focus was not our focus. Her life was built on virtues that truly matter at the end of our lives. While most of run through life worried about "résumé" virtues, those virtues the world thinks are important, she ignored those and was dedicated to "eulogy" virtues, those things we truly want people to remember about us when we are gone. 

She loved deeply. Not once growing up did I ever doubt the love my grandmother had for both her children, their spouses (which she may have liked more), all of her her grandchildren (especially her one granddaughter), nieces, nephews, friends of family members, probably even the milkman and most of all her husband. It wholehearted and unconditional. She overlooked flaws and was always there.....

She had courage and perseverance. During one of the catastrophic wars in history, she waved goodbye to her new husband, possibly for the last time. Along with so many other women in that position, she didn't complain and cry, she picked her head up and got to work, driving a fire truck; waiting for him to safely return. If you've never had to experience this, I can tell you it probably takes more courage for the one staying behind, than the one heading into battle. She maintained this courage through the next 70 years, through the death of her husband, and beyond living on her own until the age of 98. I crumble at the age of 42 when I have to spend a week alone.

She was dedicated. For the past 42 years I cannot remember a time when I did not see a long letter on a blue piece of paper sitting on my mom's kitchen table. It was a weekly letter from Granny, frontside and back ,telling us all about the adventures of Long Acres Road and beyond. We always knew she would keep us abreast of all gossip in England and how much she despised David Beckum's lack of ability to name children properly. What makes me sad is, she never missed a birthday or an anniversary, ever, we always received a card. Macy's will be the first birthday I'll see go by without a card from Granny. But knowing her it was probably written months ago and is in the mail as we speak.

She was inclusive. She may have had her prejudices, but if you crossed her door step you were a welcome guest in her and treated to all of her kindness and love. If you were family, you were treated like royalty. She welcomed a little black boy as a grandson, a Pilipino woman as a granddaughter-in-law, a Korea man as a grandson-in-law, she even accepted a girl from Essex. Everyone was an opened arm welcomed guest in her house and she loved us all equally. 

I could go on and on about these virtues Granny possessed. But instead of just remembering them, I'm going to, and I'll ask you to do the same, LIVE THEM. Everyday. We've spent too much time focused on work and "resume" virtues it's time to focus on the important things she spent 98 amazing years showing us how to do. Granny, I'm sorry I didn't write enough, or love enough, or courageous enough to let all the earthly things fall by the wayside to focus more on family and friends, but I will. I'm sorry I couldn't  say all of this things while you were still alive. You will be missed.